Wednesday, November 24, 2010

today me what?

Okay, I had an exchange with someone on facebook today.
I think he misunderstood everything I said.
That is the normal response to my musings, thoughts, hopes, pains, worries, general freakouts.
No one gets me.
Do you feel that way?
It's extremely disconcerting to be misunderstood.
Over and over and over again.
I come across as selfish.
I don't get it?
Seriously.
I'm just expressing myself.
Why is that selfish?
Why can't you express yourself?
I'm not in it to hurt anyone else.
I'm not trying to fuck with you.
I fuck with myself.
That's how my brain works.
No one gets me.
If you think you do
I will either come to bore you or
Exasperate you because I will accomplish more than the average bear
While hating every inch of myself.
Why?
It bothers you. It bores you.
You try to live it and I will give you props
Shit I'll give you props for being alive.
Why does my reality garner rejection?
It's constant.
I know I should figure this out
I have been trying to seek guidance in this dilemma.
I honestly don't get it and that's is why you will hate me without
Understanding that I need help.
Not advice but feedback
Not criticism but concrete explanation of what I have done.
I don't see what I've done, been, tried, cried as heinous
yet you do.
Don't say "you're selfish" Don't say "you are impossible." I'm not either but confused. My brain doesn't work that way. It can't (apparently) comprehend your analysis.
Your frustration is met with mine.

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