Thursday, April 26, 2007

Baptism



When my little girl was about two weeks old, I was washing her in the kitchen sink cuz she was so tiny I thought I'd lose her in the baby bath tub. I put some water on her head and said a little prayer: God, Buddha, spirit, Jesus, the energy that unites us, please watch over my baby. Let her grow up happy and strong. Let her believe what she wants to believe, even if I don't agree. I love her. Amen

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Talk


Talk to people. It’s good for you and it’s good for them. They may look at you like your nuts but who cares. Chances are you’ll never see them again. Talk to your waitress. Talk to the checkout girl. Talk to the person in line with you where ever you are. Here’s why… When you talk to people you break down barriers. You conquer your own fears. Talk to people. Smile. Stop treating strangers like strangers. If you happen to start up a conversation with a crazy person, act crazy too. It’s fun. If some one seems grumpy, sympathize with that person. Be generous, with your conversation. Let people vent. Sympathize. Let’s diffuse this volatile world by talking. Sympathize. People need sympathy. People need to be heard. Talk face to face. Smile. Sympathize. We all have our ups and downs. Tell someone who you are. Ask questions. Talk to people. Smile. Sympathize.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Ramblings on VA Tech



Usually these things affect me profoundly. I feel numb this time. That is scary in itself… that I am not feeling any of this. If I can tune out. Anyone can. I'm a true bleeding heart. Someone who believes in peace. Taking care of others. Taking care of animals. Loving each other. Sure there are people I dislike, opinions I dislike, but that's freedom. I don't want to kill anyone. I felt shame and sadness towards the human race when Sadam was hung. He was a filthy motherfucker. Hanging? So now some South Korean has defiled a school, a nation, humanity. I suppose isolation can cause one to feel separate from everything especially if your in the middle of a campus of imbeciles and scholars. They don't notice you. They have no time for you. I have experienced deep dark depression. A sense of complete worthlessness in my very soul. The only one I chose to punish was myself. After all, I must be the one that's wrong. I must be the shit on the shoes of those that can't see me. Fortunately, I don't feel so hopeless anymore. I see others for who they are and they see me for who I am and in ways I will never know. I only have to look at my daughter and feel the rush of reality slap me with a snap that stings all my senses awake. Totally awesome responsibility. Outrageous demand to which I refuse to buckle. And yet I do. I fail miserably sometimes. Senseless murder, suicide. Who's to be held accountable? People will wax themselves into a messy build-up. A school, a town, a nation, the world killing everyday. Everyday killing. Too bad we're not all Amish. What heroes they are. And then there's our President. He and his buddies are the real murderers. Manipulating everything in there way. That's a lot of blood Mr. President. What's a little more on your own soil? And the NRA. What a bunch of heartless meat puppets. Fuck them for making me numb. I still love, I still believe, I will not give up, even though I have before. I cannot give up. Numb or not, my child needs me.

In Case I forgot... Guns are evil. Guns will talk to you and tell you to kill.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Friday, April 06, 2007

IM Conversation with Dan


















Tammy & Isobelle says:
We are having a Blade/Matrix theme day at work today.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
I'm Trinity
Daniel says:
I won't ask why.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
It's a funny story!
Tammy & Isobelle says:
ask me ask me
Daniel says:
OK
Tammy & Isobelle says:
OK what?
Daniel says:
OK, I'm asking why
Tammy & Isobelle says:
The girl at the front desk lives in an apartment complex
Tammy & Isobelle says:
she was at the pool last weeked
Tammy & Isobelle says:
she had seen this guy around the complex for a while
Tammy & Isobelle says:
tall dark and handsome but always dressed in black
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He approached her at the pool
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He introduced himself as Blade
Tammy & Isobelle says:
It was 90 degrees outside and he was wearing all black sort of military/law enforcement style
Tammy & Isobelle says:
They talked for a while
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He asked her to come over later to his pad
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She said okay
Tammy & Isobelle says:
Mr. Tall dark and handsome in black official gear is a bald black man
Tammy & Isobelle says:
the girl is an adorable curvaceous red head NY jewish girl
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She goes over to his house.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He has a 70's tweed couch and a maroon crushed velvet chair
Tammy & Isobelle says:
a 13" TV with a scarf laid over it
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He's 39
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She's 40
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He has a pile of VCR tapes in one corner
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He asks her if she would like to watch the 2006 BET awards that he taped
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She says sure
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He offers her a drink
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He brings her a paper cup with the Gatorade logo and name on it
Tammy & Isobelle says:
It's tap water
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He says do you mind if I turn out the lights?
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She's like um I guess so
Tammy & Isobelle says:
It's totally dark
Tammy & Isobelle says:
she asks him to at least turn on the kitchen light to a some light to the room
Tammy & Isobelle says:
the 2006 BET awards are on the 13" tv
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She decides she needs to go
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He walks her to the door and leans in for a hug
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She's like okay a hug is fine
Tammy & Isobelle says:
Then he tries to kiss her with his mouth fully open
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She backed away and said no
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He said call me when you get home so I know you're safe.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
He didn't offer to walk her home
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She called him and said thank you and goodnight
Tammy & Isobelle says:
The next day her called her three times.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
She didn't answer
Tammy & Isobelle says:
the last call he said
Tammy & Isobelle says:
I love you.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
So now we are all obsessed with Blade and making fun of her and Blade
Daniel says:
That's a truly awful story. But funny
Tammy & Isobelle says:
and true
Tammy & Isobelle says:
what are you doing?

You have just sent a nudge.

Daniel says:
At home today with Dylan
Tammy & Isobelle says:
hello?
Daniel says:
Sorry. I was chasing him around for a while (in an attempt to keep him out of trouble), and now we're having lunch.
Tammy & Isobelle says:
mmmmm weenies?
Daniel says:
PB&J
Tammy & Isobelle says:
ah
Daniel says:
not for me, though
Tammy & Isobelle says:
what's his favorite thing to say these days?
Daniel says:
"Ladies and gentlemen: Krokus!"
Tammy & Isobelle says:
no way!
Daniel says:
We got him to say that for a while
Daniel says:
Now he sings, "Breaking the log! Breaking the log!" He's sure "log" is the right word
Tammy & Isobelle says:
Bad boy bad boy whatcha gonna doo
Daniel says:
The Krokus thing actually happened somewhat naturally. We had been reading him "The Runaway Bunny," and every time we got to the crocus part, he would say "Crocus!" in a metal-style voice
Tammy & Isobelle says:
rock on
Daniel says:
I should get going. Adios, Trinity
Tammy & Isobelle says:
Later Daniel
Daniel says:
I need to go watch the BET awards
Daniel says:
on VHS
Tammy & Isobelle says:
yeah you do
Daniel says:
We all do, really
Tammy & Isobelle says:
yes we do

Thursday, April 05, 2007

T-Ball, Books, Letters, Oil and Water
















I finished Brad Listi's book last night. I was thinking all day about writing a letter to a friend; I wanted to set some things straight. I sat down outside to finally finish the last few pages of this great book I'd been reading while my daughter and her friend hit tennis balls off a T into a big net that our neighbor had. It was dusk.
I had a beer. The last few pages turned out to be a letter. A letter to the parents of an ex-girlfriend that had committed suicide. My best friend committed suicide. I found him on my couch sitting up-right as if he were watching TV. He was dead. I read the letter in the book. It was nice and I think parents would appreciate a letter like that. I decided not to write to my friend that I'd been thinking about though, because there really wasn't anything to set straight. We are like oil and water. We just don't mix. Do you have any friends you would like to love but you just keep getting rubbed the wrong way? I just want to wring her neck all the time. Yet I still love her.