Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Ramblings on VA Tech

Usually these things affect me profoundly. I feel numb this time. That is scary in itself… that I am not feeling any of this. If I can tune out. Anyone can. I'm a true bleeding heart. Someone who believes in peace. Taking care of others. Taking care of animals. Loving each other. Sure there are people I dislike, opinions I dislike, but that's freedom. I don't want to kill anyone. I felt shame and sadness towards the human race when Sadam was hung. He was a filthy motherfucker. Hanging? So now some South Korean has defiled a school, a nation, humanity. I suppose isolation can cause one to feel separate from everything especially if your in the middle of a campus of imbeciles and scholars. They don't notice you. They have no time for you. I have experienced deep dark depression. A sense of complete worthlessness in my very soul. The only one I chose to punish was myself. After all, I must be the one that's wrong. I must be the shit on the shoes of those that can't see me. Fortunately, I don't feel so hopeless anymore. I see others for who they are and they see me for who I am and in ways I will never know. I only have to look at my daughter and feel the rush of reality slap me with a snap that stings all my senses awake. Totally awesome responsibility. Outrageous demand to which I refuse to buckle. And yet I do. I fail miserably sometimes. Senseless murder, suicide. Who's to be held accountable? People will wax themselves into a messy build-up. A school, a town, a nation, the world killing everyday. Everyday killing. Too bad we're not all Amish. What heroes they are. And then there's our President. He and his buddies are the real murderers. Manipulating everything in there way. That's a lot of blood Mr. President. What's a little more on your own soil? And the NRA. What a bunch of heartless meat puppets. Fuck them for making me numb. I still love, I still believe, I will not give up, even though I have before. I cannot give up. Numb or not, my child needs me.

In Case I forgot... Guns are evil. Guns will talk to you and tell you to kill.

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